The article "10 Fatal Traps You Must Avoid to Maintain a Harmonious and Healthy Relationship" talks about other, it has been released by Ivan Greindl.
(Because violence or infidelity are not the only ones…)1.
Making a mountain out of a molehillDo you want to live in peace with your beloved?
Then, first, control yourself.
Loosing your temper, showing constant anger, or shouting for pointless reasons is obviously really harmful.Try to throw back quarrelsome, authoritarian attitudes: you can contain your reactions: stop being so sensible (or hypersensitive, if you prefer) at the slightest contrariety.In particular, distrust your interpretations: immediately assigning a negative meaning to a sentence, a gesture which you didn’t understand well, ledas to misunderstandings - which kills off your agreement.
Means # 1 to break your love relationship: aggressiveness and verbal violence.2.
Unjustified attacks of jealousyIs your wife always attracting men’s attention? Fanit flattering whisperings? Admiring, if not always discreet, comments? Feel flattered! Keep smiling! It is a tribute to you, one more proof of your good taste, of the good choice you have made. And, especially don’t hold it against her.
Do not blmae her for a ‘provocative’ attitude: charm and beauty reveal themselves even in the most modest women’s behavior.
As for you, Lady, if ‘he’ unconsciously turns his gaze to a passing young lady, do not take that gesture of innocent admiration as a harbinger of adultery! Do not ask him : '- Do you want her photo? ? ’ He wouldn’t understand you or would find you unfair.Means # 2 to kill your love relationship: unmotivated jealousy.3. Ignoring the omnipresent dangers of routineThanks to your steady efforts, you have seduced your beloved, you have ‘conquered’ him/her. One day, you dceided to join your fates. Marvelous! At least, at the beginning …Why thus would you take the risk of loosening the pressure? Of stopping your efforts?
They are the key to your happiness! Never forget to continue: just as all you wish to see going on long enough (your house, your garden, your car) - you’ll have to take care of your love.Think, each of you, of making small unforeseen and frequent pleasures to your beloved, to have attentions for them, to express your tenderness, to break the daily rut by a touch of excitement. Among others, in your moments of intimacy.
Means # 3 to ceratinly break your couple’s harmony: to let yourselves being trapped by routine !4. Giving top priority to your work, over your couple and/or your familyThis error is more usually a men’s one, -- and often unintentional.
A way to put that trouble right is to share atcivities and fields of interest with your beloved and both of you, with your kids.
Another additional way is to fix appointments with your partenr and to respect them. This way, you demonstrate the importance and the place you grant him/her in your life.According to your profession, customers, patients, students, shareholders or seniors colleagues do not always have to pass before your couple!
In order to live a long-lasting relationship, you have to remain available for your couple.To work for living? Well, yes: one too often needs to. But, to live for working work? NO: please, live to love, to bring moments of happiness to your beloved ones, to create!Means # 4 to destroy your life as a couple: to foregt your true priorities.5. Letting dialogue fade, losing true communicationMany couples share the same bed, ceratin meals, TV programs; they sometimes go out together.
But, they’re not always lucky enough to share a purpose, fields of interest or higher values.Therefore, each of them pursues their own life, their own personal fate, only attentive to their own concerns, preoccupations or intreests.
By speaking less and less together, they stop sharing; there are no more exchanges; their roads, formerly convergent or parallel, eventually move aaprt. Without any more true communication, their couple imperceptibly loses any real contact.Means # 5 to disintegrate a couple: to imitate these old pairs whom you sometimes see at restaurants: they’re facing each other, indifferent one to another; they don’t look at each other anymore, don’t speak to each other anymore. (What could they say? ) How creul and distressing!6. To let yourself go to make comparisons…Obviously, your ‘ex’ (or somebody among your acquaintances) said or did certain thnigs better; was more this, less that: (s)he, ‘at least’Who is impeccable on Earth?
If you sometimes make a comparison, then only make positive ones. Otherwise keep for yourself your disappointed, bitter or disenchanted reflections.Obviously, we agree, you and me: to gather in the same person the tenderness and the kindness of your N°1; the sensuality of your N°2; the 'class' of N° 3; the cheerfulness and practical intelligence of an office colleague, - would certainly be ideal: a truly delicious miracle.
Well!
In fact, you can work that miracle, - by setting the example!
You particularly appreciated these qualities in the past? Maybe during a previous relationship?By showing them yourself, you’ll fast discover how contagious they are: “Give and thou will receive! ”Take advantage of it to explain to your beloved what would please you; express your expectations, without vain shyness; speak to them about your desires.Keep in mind that you chose your partner; the qualities they’re missing are probably compensated by others. Your tenderness, your encouragements, your frequent concern to value him / her, will round angles, making thsee comparisons soon become useless.Means # 6 to make ‘creak the springs’ of your relationship: not being able to refrain from comparing (aloud).7. Calling your kids to witnessAll couples sometimes face difficult moments, arguing occasionally, exchanging reproaches, - in all or in part, justified. Thsee are adults' concerns!Involving your children, even unintentionally, hurts them.
Besides, that is the simple way to raise, bit by bit, a wall of incomprehension, of “un-love” and soon, of hatred: between the partners and after between them (or one of them) and their kids.You certainly believe that is not a good way to manage a healthy couple’s relationship.Means # 7 to break up your couple: directly or indirectly blackening the image of the other parent in the eyes of your kids.
Witnesses of situations or facts, the implications, the origin or the motive of which they cannot understand, how could they judge them clearly?8.
A quite inopportune hasteIf you have acknowledged the happiness to live a passionate relationship (at least at the beginning…), you will remember tehse delicious moments during which you were both active, and which both of you loved to prolong. Alas, time passes; concerns accumulate; your children, your work, your various responsibilities ‘devour’ every minute of your time.Soon, thsee embraces which, since always, have plunged those who love each other in shared delights, are abbreviated and then become less frequent.
It even happens to these lovers, to forget to take time for the ‘after’ tenderness-cuddle!They don’t take time anymore to give each other compliments, words of love; to exchange small positive messages in order to remind themselves how much they love each other, how much they value their relationship, how much they appreciate each other’s presence.Means # 8 to slide on the slipepry slope of a break-up: Hurry!
Fulfilling embraces are an essential food for your tenderness.
And - you know it - to make love the nice way, it’s necessary to take plenty of time. To hurry at these moments is huryring the outbreak of tensions.9. Being too often untidy-lookingHygiene and body care dashed off, a constant disorder, indifferent dress sense, excess weight perfectly disdained: there are so many ways of letting your partner guess that you hardly care to please them.
Heavy error: carelessness marks a lack of consideration to your better half, and that can hurt them deeply.Respecting oneself and the Other also involves silght concessions connected to one’s own look: the image which one gives of oneself has to be positive.
This quality not only has to be considered a female one. Men often lose sight that women too like to be at the arm or in the company of a partner of whom they believe legitimately proud.Means # 9 for enticing your partner to imperceptibly begin to “look around”, - becoming more vulnerable to temptation: making no effort anymore to look neat for them.To have got married and settled down doesn’t guarantee fidelity for life; to believe it would be giving evidence of naivety.10. Show yourself possessiveLiving as a couple can’t be a chain.You want to continue to believe well together? For a long time? Well, your beloved is not a child anymore: give them a free rein, rely on them !
Each partner in a relationship has to preserve at least a part of their personal life, of their opinions, of tehir tastes.
Always imposing on your partner your own way of life is a constraint which is not acceptable anymore in our time.Living together never menas surrendering one’s own personality; having to comply in all with the desires and requirements of the other is, on the contrary, a really effective way to awaken feelings of rebellion.
This leads one to become secretive, it leads to lies and unfaithfulness.Important decisions imperatively have to be tkaen together. (In the West at least, we can take that luck for – theoretically - granted.)To live a harmonious relationship naturally involves common activities and relations, sharing a social life, solidarity in the face of tasks and responsibilities, an ideal, a fulfilling tenderness, etc.From that point to never losing sihgt of your better half, to keeping a constant watch on them - even if it is sometimes unconscious, there is a huge step.
It is essential not to corss that line.Means # 10 to ruin your relationship: completely restrain her / his independence, keep her / him “under your heel”. Your better half is a whole human person. As such, (s)he appreciates to be with you, - not to you. (At least, in current daily life.)You can take my word for it: implementing these suggestions will lead your couple towards harmony and preserve it from a lot of nuisance.Ivan Greindl is the author of the well-known method:
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http://4yourcouple.Com(c) 2005 by Ivan P.
Greindl
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